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Joke of the Day

"Imagine if people still used typewriters! We'd have to sit in a giant circle and throw pieces of paper at each other."

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"[in bed] ""No, I'm serious Amy. If this were a buddy cop movie would you try to avenge my murder even after the Chief took your gun & badge?"""
"How can a woman avoid cleaning, cooking and oral sex for the rest of her life? Grow a penis"
"Did you here about the woman who got attacked by a gang of mimes? They performed unspeakable acts on her."
"My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday I cannot concentrate!"
"What's the difference between watts and ohms? Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live."
"That lazy moment when you start reading someone else's status and then realise its too long so you just like it."
"If horse jockeys have to be tiny just imagine how small disk jockeys have to be. I'll see myself out."
"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says...."
"Her: You're a pathological liar! Me: ...and the King of Spain."