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Joke of the Day

"What is the worst time to have a heart attack? During a game of charades"

"You're a 10...on the pH scale cause you're basic."

"What are the level differences between nannies? Answer: the A level nannies suggest leafy vegetables... But the B nannies force kale."

"Whats the difference between acne and the pope? Acne doesn't come on your face till about thirteen."

"Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key."

"I didn't get my period this month or any month prior to that. If I'm pregnant my parents will flip. Also science, science will also flip."

"FDR said, ""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" He should have said, ""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and polio."""

"[making out] ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand* GIRLFRIEND: omg really? ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really."

"*on the karaoke mic* ""I normally don't sing outside the shower so I hope you guys don't mind if I do this naked"""

"What's brown and sticky? A stick..."