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Joke of the Day

"yo here's a cool name: ""Wolf Blitzer."" Damn that's cool as hell. Let's give it to the lamest nerd imaginable."

"Boobs= not much ass, Ass= no boobs, Ass and Boobs= ugly face, Ass, boobs and nice face= Slut. You can never win"

"What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body.... Keep going! She has flu symptoms!"

"*runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*"

"[At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired."

"So this guy gets pulled over... He's speeding and clearly stoned. The police officer says: ""How high are you?"" And the man replies ""No officer, it's hi how are you."""

"My girlfriend has a twin I asked for a threesome once and amazingly she said yes! Not only was her twin better looking but he was an all round great guy as well"

"I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things."

"Did you hear about that priest that turned to alcohol and drugs after he was confined to a wheelchair? He's no longer an upstanding member of the community."

"An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents Her mother says: ""You bring great Shamus to this family."""