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Joke of the Day

"What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body.... Keep going! She has flu symptoms!"

"Inspired by Baby Jesus, I'm hoping to get nailed this weekend."

"[death row] GUARD: Ok, here's your last meal. Bon appetit. CAT: *slowly pushes meal off table*"

"My favourite element is helium. I can't speak highly enough of it."

"A man walks into a grocery store. Asks for a pound of tomatoes. The grocer says, ""we call them kilos over here."" The man replies ""fine, a pound of kilos then."""

"If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65 feet away from you. Science."

"Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow?"

"If you named your kid Hunter because you like to hunt, then I hate you. Who names a kid after an activity?. *Storms off w/ his son, Kegger"

"Which trees have the most friends? The poplar ones."

"Why do cows from the south make the best sandwiches? Because they are in bread."