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Joke of the Day

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"

"I like my comedy how I like my milk..... dry."

"Just a reminder: Don't forget to check under your bed for Carrot Top every night!"

"A couple were french kissing, then the guy looks at the girl and says "" I think I swallowed your gum"" Nah, says the girl, I just have a cold."

"What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future? A four-chin teller."

"I was trying to make my own joke on Mexicans... But everything I came up with was borderline childish."

"When you wish upon a star ... you're actually a few million years late, according to astronomy. The star is dead. Just like your dreams."

"""On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge."" - my advice to new teachers"

"That awkward moment when you don't know what to do with your life when you leave the computer, so you just get back on."

"I made a joke: What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz? What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz? Currant affairs."