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Joke of the Day

"The Hispanic fruit cup locks eyes with the beautiful lady across the bar... He makes his move, walks over and says ""why, Jello there"""

"Ticket Clerk: Enjoy the film! Me: U too! TC: Really? You'll take me with u? Me: I didn't mean.. TC: Oh, I see Me: I'm sor TC: [sobs] JUST GO"

"Today I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the prison wall... He turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'."

"Why do aardvarks like to talk to ants? They can stick to the subject!"

"I should have just named my dog ""Password""."

"*Wife walks in, the house is trashed* ""OMG..we've been burgled"" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?"

"A strange woman was pounding at my door at 4am and woke me up. I had to let her out."

"I always buy pre-written cards for people I dislike. If I'm going to lie about my feelings, it may as well be a lie written by someone else."

"What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire!"

"Did you hear about the commemorative gun they're making in honor of the democrat party and president Obama? It's called the union worker You'll over pay It never works And you can't fire it"