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Joke of the Day

"My out-of-office voicemail greeting is just a solid three minutes of dry heaving."

"Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it."

"How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks."

"If you choose to always make it all about you, that's precisely who you'll end up with."

"What is the most complicated ""Your Momma"" joke you know?"

"""I heard you have unlimited breadsticks?"" Sure do, table for 1? ""Quack!"" Wait a second *trench coat falls, family of ducks run away*"

"New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT."

"Caitlin Jenner's name should be Trans Trans Jenner"

"I used to be in a band called ""Frequent Urination"". You might have heard of us. We had several number ones."

"My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex."