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Joke of the Day

"Texted Mom a question & she didn't answer right away. I'm going to send 4 more texts & 3 voicemails to give her a taste of her own medicine."

"What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper? Well an erection of course."

"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Cause Sheeran."

"[Maroon 4 meeting] Adam Levine: ""Our band name sucks"" Drummer that no one knows the name of: ""let's think bigger"" Adam: ""I've got it"""

"(this joke is fucked)whats the difference between a baby and a water melon? When u eat a water melon you leave the skin"

"I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I'm about to go over the 140 character limit...& den u no how it b."

"Why are pills white? Because they work."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip"

"What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair? Caesars."

"""Nobody move!"" - 19th century photographer"