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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White? Shaking Bad."

"What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic? ""You're dead to me."""

"I can't decide if I should get a new mattress or not. I should probably sleep on it."

"which 2 insects are the most foolish? ant-ticks"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a dead baby? One makes you feel sick and the other one is free!"

"I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I'd told her I was going to a funeral."

"I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no... the job interview didn't go very well."

"""One mans trash, is another mans treasure"" I guess thats a good way to say that your girlfriend is a whore..."

"Anyone who can tell if they're speeding up or slowing down a ceiling fan on the first try is a wizard and should not be trusted."

"A dad walks into a zoo.. A dad walks into a zoo. He sees the only animal is a dog and says ""Well, this is a shitzu"""