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Joke of the Day

"A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them."

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"At first I thought this subreddit was beating a dead horse. But it had only fainted."
"What did Tennessee? Whatever Arkansas."
"When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps."
"[Hall of Justice] Aquaman: How do you expect me to ignite the TNT below Kaiser's floating fortress? Waterproof Match Man: Maybe I can help."
"[Skype] ME: Finally I see your face and wow. HIM: [naked] Where are you?! ME: Starbucks. Wanna meet a few friends? They like your tweets."
"How do Freudians describe the human mind? As a huge ENEMA, I mean huge enigma....."
"If you take the word ""spatula"" out of the dictionary it's just a list of things that aren't spatulas."
"wow. chess is like a whole different game when you play it with your clothes on. was it always like that, grandpa? cause I don't like it."
"*bumpes into my ex on the street *dials a number Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!"