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Joke of the Day

"If you're an adult and you aren't tired, you probably just fell asleep and started dreaming. Wake up. It's time to be tired again."

"Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month."

"'I know a black person' - White people"

"What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar? A mar tiny."

"You know what's the biggest turn off for me? Consent."

"To avoid looking at the glass as half empty or full, i drink straight from the bottle."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... ... then a chair and then a table."

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! (Credit to the Pythons)"

"Why couldn't I have been born rich instead of so ridiculously witty?"

"What do numbers look like when they get divorced? 96"