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Joke of the Day

"My Wife does this cute thing where she says that ""actions speak louder than words"" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding."

"What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!"

"Why does santa have no children? He only comes once a year and thats down the chimney."

"Friend: what has teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Friend: my zipper Me: so what you are saying is your dick turns green when you get a boner?"

"Pizza is like sex. When its good, its reeallly good, but when its bad... It's still pretty damn good."

"Why were the inventors of the airplane correct in thinking they could fly? Because they were Wright."

"A duck walks into a bar and says ""Get me some chapstick, and put it on my bill!"""

"""son, did i ever tell you about how I served in Nom?"" ""dad, don't you mean Nam?"" ""sorry son i ate a small cake at the end of that sentence"""

"I went to an airport the other day. As I was about to catch a plane, I thought ""My dog would be proud."""

"Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses around."