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Joke of the Day

"[judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you"

"I am part of the 1% Well, at least my cell phone battery is."

"I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies."

"The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline"

"Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there"

"i once had a beautiful wife, she was always the prettiest when she was asleep. Unfortunately she died after i gave her too many sleeping pills."

"A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief... Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed."

"What do children think of the world? I don't know, this is the first time I've logged onto Reddit, today."

"So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you!"

"So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend."