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Joke of the Day

"As ice water runs down my face I conclude, ""Boy, you sure like to eat bread!"" is not a comment a lady on a dinner date enjoys hearing."

"You know what Nixon did wrong? He only broke into the watergate hotel once. He should have done it everyday. Then it would have been normal. Yes, you got it, jokes on you."

"What's the difference between a jeep and a rental car? A rental car can go anywhere"

"What's the difference between a girl's track team and a bunch of pigs? One's a group of cunning runts... Source: Imgur user YossarianMinderbinder"

"How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up? The rest of your life."

"What sort of net is useless for catching fish ? A football net !"

"The sign at this gas station says ""turn engine off"" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street."

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years.. ..then we met."

"I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod."

"""There's no I in TEAM,"" he yells. ""There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM,"" I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again."