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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I agreed to only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack of cigarettes for 6 months... She's up to 2 packs a day."

"A dop Ted Father : Son, do we have any dop ted? Son : What's a dop ted? Father : You are. You're adopted. Son : Nice one dad. Father : I'm not your dad."

"Overheard in 2nd grade class today: ""Do your work! Santa's watching right now."" ""Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago."""

"How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen? Nunavut."

"At a train station, struck up a convo with a friendly Indian couple waiting next to me. I asked the guy how old he was and he goes, ""My wife is dirty and I'm dirty two."" No kiddin' oh boy"

"A bird pooped on my head today...Am I gonna die? I mean, I'm kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone's day."

"Don't feel sad...don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too..."

"What's the best thing about twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of them."

"The noblest of dogs is the hot-dog... ...it feeds the hand that bites it."

"GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"