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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you're paranoid."" Me: ""My resume has been talking behind my back?"""

"""Paintings or it didn't happen."" - 1700's-1920"

"Why did the black Classic major think Oedipus was black? Cause he thought ""casta"" was Greek for ""moms""."

"I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the ""caulk"""

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the teeth."

"Glad to live in a time where being social doesn't require making eye contact."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... And askes for a beer and a mop."

"How do you spot Will Smith on a snowy Christmas morning? Look for Fresh Prince"

"I'm not particularly bad at cooking, but how long is the pasta supposed to stay in the toaster?"

"Gay men make sure you're using protection You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too."