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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you're paranoid."" Me: ""My resume has been talking behind my back?"""

"There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals. b) those that don't understand Roman numerals."

"What do you call a chilly office? A cubicicle"

"Lawyers and Prostitutes If a solicitor engages in solicitation and a prostitute engages in prostitution, then why do prostitutes get booked for solicitation and solicitors get paid to screw people?"

"Jesus said to John, ""Come forth and I will give you eternal life."" But he came fifth and got a toaster."

"If you need anything you can call me any time of the day or night. I won't answer and my ringer will be off, so it won't bother me at all."

"Why should you wrap a gerbil in duct tape? (NSFW) So it doesn't burst when you fuck it."

"There's two things I don't fuck with... Rattlesnakes. And Condoms."

"If I said I was the king of the jungle, I'd be lion to you."

"What did the slutty interstate say to the porche? I got curbs!"