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Joke of the Day

"Hi Officer I was pulled over one day and the officer looked at me ask asked ""How high are you?"" I laughed and said ""No officer, you said it wrong, it's Hi how are you"""

"[typing] Me: Is it DISCREET or DISCRETE? Wife: 2nd. Me: Is ""polyamorous"" hyphenated? Wife: No. Why? Me: It's for work. When's your flight?"

"A sentence and depression What does a ""sentence"" and ""two months of depression hoping that you didn't get your girlfriend pregnant have in common""? They both end in periods"

"If Skittles were made from actual fruit, I'd be considered a much better parent."

"*Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please."

"Did you hear about the woman that died with semen in her ear? She didn't even hear him cumming."

"How do you know you're at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like shit."

"Why did Adele cross the road? So I could hit her with my car and shut everyone up."

"Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, ""I got you a present!"""

"Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow? The steaks are just too high."