163732
Joke of the Day
"Poured my cat some almond milk & now she has bangs & drives a Prius."
Next Joke
"""I think we should touch other people's faces"" - blind break up"
"If Amy Winehouse complained a lot... She'd be Amy Whinehouse"
"A man goes into a library asking for a book on suicide... The librarian says ""F*** off, you won't bring it back."""
"I'm just a girl, sitting in her car, wondering what the person I texted ""I'm in the cat"" to, is thinking right now."
"What does a blowjob and a steady job have in common ? I haven't had either in five years"
"First cannibal: Am I late for dinner? Second cannibal: Yes. Everyone's eaten."
"What does A&W stand for? 'Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one."
"A white couple doesn't just simply 'have a baby' without posting a pic of them showing her growing gut every day for 9 months."
"I feel like if there ever was a zombie apocalypse I'm so numb to them at this point I wouldn't even bat an eye."