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Joke of the Day

"I'll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!"

"Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the universe... They've become a Reichtangle."

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND-EEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE"

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit."

"What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? The people in the world trade center, these mother fuckers blew threw a hundred stories in two seconds!"

"When I was young, my dad told me chocolate milk came from brown cows. I really envied little black breastfed babies after that."

"The real reason reddit is so popular is... copy Paste clickbait"

"Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas"

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the van ME: Oh no thanks I'm vegetarian KIDNAPPER: Oh okay sorry *drives away* {15min later} KIDNAPPER: Wait a minute, wtf"