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Joke of the Day

"I'll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!"

"A Amish scientist..."

"Statistically, you're more likely to be killed, raped or robbed by a black person than other races. This isn't really funny, it's a PSA."

"My mailman got gender reassignment surgery. Now he's a post man"

"What is grey and comes in quarts? an elephant."

"It's been 14 seconds why haven't you replied yet"

"Apparently the police think the murder weapon was a colander. But that theory doesn't hold water."

"Unless it's that scary chick from The Ring, I really don't care who is in the restroom with me."

"What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common. They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one)."

"Have a box of tissues on hand when you watch ""Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"" on DVD, guys. And, yes, I mean for the copious weeping. Jerks."