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Joke of the Day

"I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived. When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order"

"An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an amnesiac stumble drunkenly into the road. The Irishman nearly escapes a speeding car, but the Scotsman isn't so lucky, and gets hit by the car and dies."

"What did the squirrel say when he looked up the woman's dress? What a Cunt, got no Nuts."

"Working days I work only for Monday and Tuesday. Because after that even the week says WTF?!..."

"There was a kidnapping at my school last week... don't worry they woke him up."

"A missionary noticed a particularly happy cannibal Missionary: Joe, you look unusually cheery today. CannibalJoe: Today wife gave me head"

"This unit not available for individual resale. -tattoo on a retired prostitute's back."

"He's 52, from now on let's just call him John Depp."

"Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my... not that close. I can't breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER"

"I'm going to the bathroom to take a dump Can I get you anything?"