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Joke of the Day

"Let's get a thread of jokes that are funny to hear, but don't work if you read them I'll start: What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh!"

"When things go wrong, what can you always count on? Your fingers."

"I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over."

"Two peanuts walking down the street... one gets *assaulted*."

"I'm too afraid of downloading PC sonic games C'mon, that creepypasta does not .exest!"

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages? Trilingual! Two Languages? Bilingual! Only one language? Americans~"

"I promised my wife I would not joke with her when she was PMSing. She has my word, period."

"Giraffe: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! [5 min later] *vomits*"

"Sorry kids, Santa isn't real. If he was, he'd be an obese pedophile, felon, and elf slave owner. Seriously though, Merry Christmas."

"What is the most said band name during the holidays? U2"