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Joke of the Day

"At school today, the teacher pointed to me with a ruler, The teacher said ""There is in idiot at the end of this ruler!"" So i asked ""Which end?"""

"CPR is a lot like church... CPR is a lot like church: you go up, down, up, down, up, down. The only difference is that you don't get snacks in CPR."

"Toddlers always feel like the floor of a movie theater."

"It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged."

"So a man is alone in a forest And if his wife isn't around to hear him. Is he still wrong?"

"[Meta] Anyone else hate jokes that are too long? They usually have too many characters."

"I promised my wife I would not joke with her when she was PMSing. She has my word, period."

"""it looks like one horny mother fucker wrote this"" *holds up torch to read hieroglyphics painted on wall* ""it reads: ""can i fuck a pyramid"""

"Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let's see what else is lying around first."

"If you've been kind to nature, birds will rescue you through your sunroof in a traffic jam and fly you to their kingdom"