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Joke of the Day

"CPR is a lot like church... CPR is a lot like church: you go up, down, up, down, up, down. The only difference is that you don't get snacks in CPR."

"It's not curiosity that killed the cat ... it was procatstination"

"Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his whopper."

"What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress? The size of the tip."

"What's the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or you can help your uncle jack off a horse"

"Who would win a football game between the 1989 Raiders and a team full of U2 lead singers? Bonos."

"An opossum is just a regular possum that reenacts the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally."

"Let's have some fun! I'm up for anything today!* *As long as there aren't too many stairs."

"Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible? Because torque is cheap"

"How do you know Princess Diana has dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glovebox."