162946

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? No? Be careful, there's a small medium at large."

"I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on."

"SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock."

"My grandma can't wrestle But you should see her box."

"Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them they are going to invade Iran."

"TIL: Amy Winehouse spent the last moment of her life watching her own video clips on Youtube before her death. She must have read the comments."

"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"Innuendos? I like to slip one in every now and again."

"[texting gf] February 13th ""I think we should spend some time apart"" February 15th ""Ok that was enough time"""

"People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies."