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Joke of the Day

"Anyone can beat a polygraph.It doesn't even have hands."

"The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)"

"If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free."

"""Stop calling me your roommate. I'm your husband and the father of your children."" -My Roommate"

"What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don't even wanna talk to the living."

"If time means money... ...then an ATM is **A** **T**ime **M**achine."

"It is divided in 2 parts - left & right. Unlike others your brain is a master piece, It is divided in 2 parts Left & Right. In left nothing is Right & in right nothing is Left!"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a whore?` None. They both fuck people for a living."

"Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?"

"Sex is a lot like pizza. How? Let me tell you about the worst pizza I ever had: It was fantastic."