162576

Joke of the Day

"1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater"

"Hey, waiters, write down my fucking order. If you're trying to impress people how about don't be a waiter."

"I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours."

"What do you get when you take Viagra with an iron supplement? an erection that points north."

"What do your sister and snow have in common? I plow both."

"There is a race between a skull and a small butt one's clearly ahead, the other's a little behind"

"What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state? One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states. ^badump ^tssss"

"Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward? Because it only ate vegetables."

"I don't want anti-wrinkle cream, I want a serum that bestows wrinkles upon my enemies."

"Stop with the boxing jokes guys... You're beating a Mayweather's girlfriend here."