162517

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to shit."

"I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past."

"Examine the shadows around my eyes. They speak of loss, of longing, of doom. Also, I buy mascara at the dollar store."

"After placing me in charge of training new employees I can't help but question my companies' commitment to success."

"After a concert Bono started clapping and then said ""Every time I clap, a child dies in Africa"" . . . Someone from the audience chimed ""Stop fucking clapping then"""

"Given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer than forget where I put it."

"How many reddit offices does it take to screw you in a light bulb? yishan"

"If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets."

"I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn't find a close enough parking spot so I left."

"How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?"