162495

Joke of the Day

"A few years ago I dropped LSD with my ex-girlfriend and she wanted to get hot n heavy but I couldn't get it up. Now I get flaccid flashbacks."

"First rule of Botox club: Nobody look surprised when someone new joins."

"How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Stick a nipple on it."

"Why did they arrest Jared Fogle at 3:15? That's when the big hand touches the little hand."

"What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for air, and calling your name? You didn't hold down the pillow for long enough."

"I'm starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed."

"Knock knock... ""Knock knock"" 'Who's there?' ""Doctor"" 'Doctor who?' ""I plan to take that answer to my grave!"""

"What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot? Baked ham."

"I REALIZED THAT I AM THE VICTIM After ten years of marriage, the wife asks her husband: - Honey, are you by nature a winner or a loser? - Honey, over the years I realized that I am the victim ..."

"If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything."