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Joke of the Day

"What did the gay man say to his cheating boyfriend? I see you already have your shit packed, now get out."

"Every time I lay down in bed I think 'why didn't I do this sooner?'"

"What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage. (*be gentle, it's my first time.*)"

"My analyst says I anthropomorphize... but It's only a problem when I do it to people."

"If you notice This notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing."

"What's the most prominent religion in Canada? Jemima's Witnesses."

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding... ...and then I saw her face."

"Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in."

"When my buddy smokes weed with me, he calls it smoking me out. Apparently bringing over a pizza and eating him out means something totally different."

"What do you use to compare and contrast nordic cultures? A Sven diagram!"