161972
Joke of the Day
"What did Wendy do when she first saw Captain Hook? She Peedherpants"
Next Joke
"asked the universe for literally nothing & received a commercial featuring conjoined twins riding a segway"
"Nothing says ""I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade"" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom."
"Why wasn't the bear allowed to drive? Because bears don't have fine *motor* skills"
"Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun"
"At any given time, the urge to sing ""The lion sleeps tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away..."
"I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. ""Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?"" ""Yes"""
"What's the square root of 69? It's 8 something right?"
"I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect It's coming tomorrow"
"What did the captain of the alien mouse spaceship say when he met his first earth mouse? Take me to your Liederkranz."