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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic who has insomnia? A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."

"Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift."

"I don't trust atoms. Because they make up everything"

"My grandma just broke her hip farting! #EpicFrail!"

"Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook."

"Life is like a box of chocolates It's full of nuts, expensive, and severely disappointing."

"*delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* Nurse 1: I'm exhausted. Nurse 2: I hate Labor Day."

"When should you buy a bird? When it's going Cheep."

"Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth? Me: Why would I do that? D: ok...[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly] Me: *winks at camera*"

"What's the difference between a normal ambulance and a skydiving ambulance? Well, a normal ambulance is usually a van with a stretcher in the back. A skydiving ambulance? A bucket and a shovel."