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Joke of the Day

"Screaming out ""BOOM PREGNANT!"" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be."

"What's a let down Chinese lobster called? A crushed asian"

"I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard ""Shake It Off"" 137 times."

"The Russians official stance on the downed MH17 flight: Donetsk, don't tell."

"So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep. (I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)"

"Why you shouldnt vote for Hillary because Bill always chose someone other than Hillary, and you should too"

"It's nice to see women who don't lose their figures as they grow older. They take such a long time to paint and Warhammer is expensive enough as it is."

"What was Bob the Builder called after he retired? Bob."

"What do you call mexicans who are stoned? Baked beans."

"Spiders have it about right. If he doesn't bring her a snack when he courts her it's curtains.."