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Joke of the Day

"I told myself after high school I wasn't going to smoke any more weed. I haven't smoked any less either."

"""Here's what I would do..."" - me, giving bad advice"

"What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full."

"I told my friend a chemistry joke. He didn't react... I wanted to tell my girlfriend, but SHe doesn't exist."

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"A man brings his wife as Aspirin... She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's fuck!'."

"What do you call a hot chick in Boston? A tourist."

"What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long? I hate raisin kids!"

"29 months? Yeah, no, I meant how old is your kid in HOURS."

"What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor."