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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass. ""What in the world is this?"" The bartender says, ""Central Park."""

Next Joke
 
"More sad news in the music industry today... Kanye west was found alive in his house this morning..."
"Whats the worst part about being a news reporter? The shootings"
"I just put in new countertops in my kitchen... Granite, they're not marble, but still..."
"[g/friends dad] ""who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?"" Me - [say a real name say a real name] ""Football Man"""
"Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute... ...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie."
"I wonder if when a porn shop owner gets married, he accidentally tapes over his porn with wedding footage"
"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm incontinent No time to talk."
"My friend got a rash from some suntan lotion he was using. He wanted to sue the company for billions. He was being irrational."
"Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas? In a skeptic tank. --- (Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)"