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Joke of the Day

"This Walmart is advertising $9.99 iPads to anyone who throws their baby into a snakepit."

"This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes."

"I bought the worst thesaurus the other day. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible."

"No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by ""Price: High to Low,"" who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?"

"I dunno but if I was a ""doctor to the stars"" I sure wouldn't be bragging about it these days"

"Why does the devil get such a bad rap? Because like everyone in marketing, he always lets his own stuff slide..."

"I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner"

"69'd the wife then went to buy donuts after. The guy at the counter said he already knew what I wanted, so I asked how..... He said ""You had 'glazed' all over your face. """

"My next tattoo will be ""helvetica"" written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her"

"My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark."