188315

Joke of the Day

"My next tattoo will be ""helvetica"" written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her"

"[making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink."

"Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? [NSFW] Because it's full of Arab seamen."

"Why are Reddit jokes so overused? I don't know, ask Dave."

"Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship."

"Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours"

"I had professional respect for you but then you said ""recognizance"" when you meant 'reconnaissance.'"

"Did you know you can use voice-to-text on Twitter so this tweet came from my mouth and also stop staring at me people on this bus."

"God hates fags He prefers a nice, fat, dank blunt."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Beethoven ! Beethoven who ? Beethoven is too hot !"