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Joke of the Day

"What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes."

"I bet vampires just walk around saying how different things were in back the old days."

"I don't like lollipop ladies... They make me cross."

"Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver? He always leaves you hanging"

"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""

"A guy walks into a bar holding a pair of jumper cables He says, ""Hey bartender, can I get a drink over here?"" The bartender says, ""Alright, but don't go trying to start anything in here"""

"Really, every section of the greeting card aisle could be called ""Societal Obligation."""

"Idea: ATM that sends you encouraging messages like ""You Can Do it"" or ""Ramen Noodles Aren't So Bad"" when you check your sad Account Balance"

"If I had a dollar for every gender I could possibly be... I'd have $2.00."

"I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver."