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Joke of the Day

"My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying ""when i was your age.."" and then describing what i did 3 days ago"

"While Facebook was down I walked up to coworkers & just said 'unfriend' or 'like' & walked away then poked 17 people before I got arrested."

"What is a penguin? A swallow who ate after 6pm."

"6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?"

"My mother took me to the symphony when I was a child.. But we had to leave because of all the sax and violins."

"What are people afraid of puns called? Homophonic I'm sorry..."

"I recently entered a blindfolded masturbation competition... I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came..."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Finely ground and sealed in an air-tight container"

"I'm hosting an event for people who are unable to have an orgasm. Let me know if you can't come."

"In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government. *Insert edgy quotes"