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Joke of the Day

"North Korea has lowered its missile back down after pointing it up for a few hours. Turns out Viagra and MSG make for bad rocket fuel."

"Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions."

"I treat my body like a temple. By that I mean that a bunch of Jewish guys enter me every Friday night."

"I like to play chess with old bald men at the park. ..Although its hard to find 32 of them"

"I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said ""Final Notice""... Good that he will not bother me anymore."

"What's brown and sticky? a stick"

"These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end."

"Ladies, the knight with the shiniest Armour has done the least amount of brave or cool sh*t."

"Was told I can't use Wi-Fi at McDonald's unless I eat. So I am bringing a peanut butter sandwich."

"How do you get a fat lady in a car? Piece of cake."