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Joke of the Day

"*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree* Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?"

Next Joke
 
"Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing"
"What do you call a def, Mexican Superman? No hero"
"knock knock! knock knock who's there? europe europe who no, you are"
"What is the most overused force in science? Van der Waals."
"/r/Pyongyang is a.... [Fun and Happy Place!]"
"I'm dreading summer because I'll be subjected to my Facebook friends' pictures of the temperature readout from inside their vehicles."
"Roses are Dead, Violets are Dead I am a bad gardener"
"ME: Um, I specifically requested Mary. BLOODY CARLA: Listen, do you want your eyes clawed out or not?"
"How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway."