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Joke of the Day

"A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with ""treats"" so he stays interested."

"I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish."

"Today, my girlfriend told me on the phone that we were breaking up. I went outside and the signal improved."

"What does a cell that's full of shit do? Lyse."

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

"Went to dinner with my girlfriend tonight and got called a pedophile because I'm 30 and she's 19. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"Why did the Spy cross the road? 'Cause he wasn't really on your side."

"4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths."

"Once you go black... ...you're a single mother"

"I'm dating a feminist historian Not to brag, but I am -*really*- good in bed. She thinks I've been fucking her for thousands of years."