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Joke of the Day

"If you start a conversation with ""you're gonna say I'm crazy"" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance."

"Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house but that fly is dead."

"Fat people just want to get into your pantries."

"If I ever have a stroke I'm going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke."

"I heard Matt Damon took it real hard when he heard Robin Williams died. I just hope he remembers. It's not your fault. It's not your fault..."

"Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers! Happy speak like a pirate day!"

"What do you call a horny square? Erectangle"

"To the Chicago Cubs Thanks, you've doomed us all."

"Why don't they have werewolves in Asia? They get eaten."

"Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt."