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Joke of the Day

"My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet."

"What's the difference between a kinky guy and a pervert? ""The kinky guy uses the feather but the pervert uses the whole chicken"" As told to me by the old guy who sat next to me on the plane"

"There's been lots of ""OH MY GOD!"" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying."

"""Diamonds are forever. But so is herpes."" This is why I never get hired to write advertising campaigns."

"I hate being bipolar It's awesome"

"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see."

"I had a colonoscopy done the other day and I think it went really well... As I was walking out I overheard the nurses talking about me and I could hear one saying ""What an asshole!"""

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to fire and he'll run for president."

"What do you call an anorexic lady with a yeast infection? A Quarter Ponder with Cheese."

"If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses"