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Joke of the Day

"We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes."

"I finally got my hands on a sign language translator. It comes in really handy."

"Rain drop, drop top... Getting fucked by a fake horse, that's /r/clopclop"

"What does a cobra say to his friends after he kills a mongoose? ""I wasn't scared at all. Without you, I wouldn't even know what a quiver is."""

"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."

"Me: ""Can I buy you a drink?"" Her: ""I have a boyfriend."" Me to barman: ""A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."""

"I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself ""she totally deserved to die""."

"Behind every great man there's a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight"

"A man asked Robin Hood, ""would you rob from the rich to give to the poor?"" To which he replied, ""I Sher-would."""

"I bought a grandfather clock. It's like a regular clock but it keeps telling you that it's lived through three wars."