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Joke of the Day

"I never try to make guests feel at home. If they wanted to feel at home, they should have stayed there."

"I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks. Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat."

"I wonder if people in 3rd world countries know that we can choose between crushed and regular ice cubes."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to another? See you next month."

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"I like sleeping outside. No hobo."

"There are always two ways to look at things. I prefer to look at them my way."

"Why does Santa Claus have such a large sack? He only comes once a year."

"Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar."

"We need to get into the fertilizer industry... I hear business is booming."