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Joke of the Day

"Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter? It had new windows Putin"

"hey you got a sec? next time someone asks you if you got a sec, you must simply reply"" no i have lots of secs"""

"What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book? That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

"What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host."

"What is the difference between a dead hooker and spare tire? I only have one spare tire in my trunk!"

"My grandma got a hip replacement My new grandma is a 24 year old barista and an aspiring artist."

"A port-a-potty truck blocked my car in at work so I couldn't leave.. But hey, shit happens."

"RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :("

"Hey'd you hear about that guy who's half Indian, half Canadian? Yeah, his name is Aziz I'msorry"

"what do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery person have in common? They have to smell it, but they can't taste it."