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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a dead hooker and spare tire? I only have one spare tire in my trunk!"

"Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."

"""This is embarrassing, but would you believe we actually met offline?"" - married couples in 5 years"

"Aliens: ""Take us to your leader"" ""No"" ""What"" ""Look we've made some mistakes"" ""Just take..."" ""It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"""

"The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth."

"My cock-eyed professor had a really bad day today. His pupils got way out of line. It made him so angry that he couldn't see straight."

"My high school bully just made my McDouble, so I guess I won; but then again I am eating at McDonald's so I guess it's a tie."

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"I recently went to the funeral of an asshole who bullied me for most of my life..... I wanted to literally see a dick in a box."

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust A guns only weakness is Obama and rust."