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Joke of the Day
"If you're ever unsure whether a person is a muppet or a human try shoving your hand up their ass."
Next Joke
"Cops are kinda weird, asking stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Cause I have weed in the glove compartment?"
"*In the elevator* Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down? Me: No. We're just friends Guy: ...."
"'I can't find my dollar bill' Jane sobbed. 'Don't worry' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'"
"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile with my shoes....shoved up your ass."
"Caught my wife in bed with a guy, says he's here to fix this wobbly wood bed frame. It seems legit, his Carpenter jeans are on the Floor."
"My daughter is such a happy little person she giggles in her sleep, which makes me worry that somehow she's not my biological offspring"
"If a cat catches all the mice on your property... does that make it squeaky clean?"
"Why was Hitler doomed to fail? because jew wrongs don't make a riech"
"(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side"