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Joke of the Day

"Ugh! We get it, sun! You're really bright and shit, now calm down."

"Sick at home with a temperature. Girlfriend says why are you so hot, ""I don't know I was born that way""."

"Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of ""Dark Side Of The Moon""? Because it's a terrible album."

"Life is like a box of chocolates... it doesn't last long if you're fat."

"When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there."

"What did the dead magician say? Abra-cadaver"

"So my sister attempted to commit suicide the other day and it made me so angry. I couldn't believe one of my own family members would fail at something like that."

"I want a polka band at my funeral. I'm the one who's dead, let 'em suffer."

"Did you hear what they called the new dog breed from Israel? The Penny Pinscher"

"What's better than a rose on your piano? Tulips on your organ EDIT: This blew up. (No pun intended)"