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Joke of the Day

"Yes, I DO think ""did you bring my pizza?"" is an acceptable answer when you're in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door."

"they'll never listen to us Wife: I lost my keys again Me: Its in your jeans Wife: Don't drag my family into this"

"Farts are like kids. You love yours, but other people's are unbearable."

"A mathematical limerick A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more."

"A Pokemon GO player climbed to the summit of mount Everest... ...convinced that he would could catch a rare Pokemon. All he caught was a cold. It stared with a peak achoo."

"What's your most fucked up joke? I'm looking for the most cancerous jokes you can think of."

"What do you call a disabled kid in a hot car A vegetable"

"Squirrels nature's speed bumps."

"I just got rear ended... ...and as I got out of the car, without even realizing how funny it was, I said ""That's a pain in the ass"" True story."

"All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?"